when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
