Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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