I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
