I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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