your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
