Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
