Are we in a gay sports bar?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
