Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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