I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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