can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
