Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think people are normalizing furries
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
