I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person