I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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