Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
