Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
