I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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