So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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