It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
