I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
