There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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