Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
