i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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