Screwed.edu
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
