I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
