I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
