just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im six kinds of drunk right now
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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