Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
