mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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