I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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