apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
