as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
