Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
