I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore