During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
