K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
