Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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