omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
