is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
