After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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