Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
