1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
