dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?