jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
