I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
