She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
