I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
