Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
