Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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