i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
