3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
