You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
