the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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