everyone is single if you try hard enough
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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