I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
