i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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