I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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