Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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