Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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