I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
