So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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