Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
