I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
