I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
