some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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