This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
