so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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