What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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