He asked me if I "almost moaned"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
