Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I cockslap morals
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
