I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
