youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
