i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
