Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
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Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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