i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
