How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
