I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
