I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
