Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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