Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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