I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
