You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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