i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
