There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
