I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
