After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
