Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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